How to be a lazy panda… or not.
My alarm clock woke me up at 10:30, I drank my pills and went back to sleep.
When I woke up again, it was already 11:00, which meant, that I was late for Google Techtalk, which I terribly wanted to attend, but Uni seemed too far away so I went back to sleep. (I’m still wondering how it went)
The reason why I couldn’t get up (except the obvious reason which is the known fact that me and ‘early’ mornings just simply don’t get along) is that I spent half evening writing morphology exercises in Georgian and later watched Grey’s Anatomy: Musical Event, Criminal Minds and Torchwood. TV Shows will be the death of me, I swear. :-X
I woke up at half past two, even though I had no idea it had been raining whole night, I still felt the grey weather in my windowless living room. I felt too lazy to get out of my bed + neighbour had my laptop for some reason, so I decided it was no need to get up, simply turned on the lamp, which made me feel a little more warmer and continued reading Looking For Alaska by J. Green.
After a while, when my laptop was back and grandma had finished cooking mashed potatoes, I decided it might have been the time to get the hell up.
Which I did and now I’m here. I mean it’s 5:13 at this moment, but anyway, you know what I meant.
And I’m really bored, even tired of my fucked up sleeping schedule, of my lazy afternoons, of being alone of feeling guilty for deceiving everybody all the time. Why do I keep doing this little stuff that I know I’ll regret anyway? Why don’t I go and hang out like others do on weekends? And then I realise, like I always do that I don’t care, I never did and I’m not trying to look different and be cool by being a weirdo, cause I’m not trying anything, I simply am and there’s nothing wrong with it, eveybody is different, I might be a little bit more different than them and I’m fine with that, cause I love myself and at the end, I’ll still end up doing whatever the hell I want to, cause I believe it will be the right thing to do, without feeling guity over it.
Except everything, I’m feeling kind of cold, looking out at foggy mountains while everything outside is grey and just thinking, nothing really deep, more like silly things, thinking about everything. It’s one of those days when you stay at home with pleasure, with a nice cup of hot chocolate/ tea/coffee and simply enjoy the day. Rest from everyday life, rest from reality. Find your own fantasy world and escape in it, like Noel said.
The truth is, I am living in fantasy, even right now, I am so lost that I’m afraid one day I wouldn’t even be able to come back. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad, but we all know, that too much never means good.
And it annoys me, annoys me so much that I’m here and you’re over there, feeling the same, but I can’t reach out and connect, I can’t talk to you and you can’t talk to me back. We could be amazing, it would’ve been so much easier, it would’ve been splendid. But maybe, maybe there is a chance, zero point zero zero zero one percent chance? Don’t you think? Chances are very poor so I drop it, just drop thinking about it cause it annoys me. Maybe I should concentrate on little things, like getting that cardigan which wont make me feel this cold, or maybe get my scrawny arse and make some tea, or close the door and not feel annoyed by others, but after all, everything annoys me, even the fact that I couldn’t come up with a better title. A lazy panda? seriously? what’s that about? I don’t know, here’s a panda, though, bye.